I Am
by SkyBright
Summary: Only a ruined vessel can seek retribution.
1. A Ruined Vessel

"You're a monster."

Samara paused, wiping the trace of blood from her hands. She turned her attention to a child, a small human boy with tears streaming down his face. He was standing near a Mako. "Are you hurt child?" Samara asked, stepping over a body and walking toward the boy.

"Stay back!" the boy cried out. He balanced his stance as biotic power formed around his hands. Samara stopped in her tracks, staying as still as possible. The child was far from a threat; her own biotics were some of the most powerful in the galaxy. What concerned her was the battle of calming the boy so she could find a safe haven for him.

"I mean no harm," Samara said, standing perfectly still.

"Sure," the boy snapped sarcastically, his stance turning from defensive to aggressive. "It's not as if you just murdered a whole squad!"

"They were slavers," Samara responded. "That squad was capturing numerous aliens and selling them into slavery. Do you know what slavery is, child?"

"I'm not stupid," the boy muttered. "I'm nine, I know what slavery is. You could've sent them to jail. This planet does have one, somewhere!"

"I do not follow mere law. I live by the code."

"What?"

"I am a justicar, child," Samara said, daring to take a step toward the boy. "Justicars do not follow the law of the galaxies. We live and breathe what the code tells us. If we follow the code, we are just. If we do not, we are not just. We aim to set the wrongs of the galaxy."

The biotic powers surrounding the boy's hands faltered as confusion slowly formed on his face. "So murdering those slavers…is justice?"

"In our eyes, yes," Samara answered, finally reaching the boy and kneeling down in front of him. "Justicars see the world differently than other aliens."

The boy finally relinquished his aggressiveness and brought his hands down to his side, biotics fading. "So you're actually the good guy?"

A twitch of a smile dashed across Samara's face. "In your words, I suppose so. What is your name, child?"

"David."

"The code deems I find you a safe place, David," Samara said, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Will you come with me?"

"….I guess so," David said meekly, looking at the dead bodies surrounding them. "Even if you are the good guy, I wish you didn't have to murder my parents."

Samara felt a pang of regret as she heard the pain in the boy's voice. "Parents?"

David turned his attention back to Samara, trying to hold back tears. "Yeah. They're over there." He pointed to two human bodies strewn among the dead aliens.

"Did you know they were slavers?"

"Yeah. I helped out sometimes."

Samara froze. "What do you mean by that, child?"

David shuffled his feet, head bowed. "I would…..trick aliens into thinking I needed help and….lead them to wherever my parents told me to go." He looked into Samara's eyes, tears flowing down his face again. "I didn't like doing it, but my parents told me it was the only way they wouldn't leave me!"

Samara was still in a state of shock when the boy grabbed her in a hug. She slowly brought her hands behind his head. "It is…alright, child…David. It is alright." She tried to comfort the boy as best she could while conflict was raging within her. The code wouldn't allow anybody who helped in such treachery live, yet this boy was so young…

Samara took a deep breath as she brought her lips to his ear. "May the Goddess be with you," she whispered.

She closed her eyes as she snapped the boy's neck.


	2. Full of Sorrow and Regret

Samara entered the monastery, nodding her head toward the asari near the door. Looking around, Samara allowed herself to marvel at how small the new monastery was. It was a mere third of the size of the previous one. _A vast monastery would be too large for only one Ardat-Yakshi,_ Samara thought, before feeling a pang of pain. Less Ardat-Yakshi meant two dead daughters; their blood on her hands would never wash away, no matter how hard she tried.

Forcing the feeling to the deepest corner of her mind and locking it there, Samara continued making her way to the main balcony of the building. She knew her last daughter, Falere, would be there. She had taken it upon herself to visit Falere more often in the past years. She felt obligated to fulfill the promise she made to Falere… and to Shepard.

Samara sent a silent prayer to the Goddess to bring peace to her friend's spirit. The Goddess of all beings should know how much Shepard deserved it. Shepard had spent too many years trying to protect every being she could; peace was something she never experienced alive.

_May the Goddess guide you, Shepard,_ Samara added as an afterthought, finally reaching the balcony. She smiled as she saw Falere picking the red, teardrop shaped flowers that grew along the railing. Walking to her daughter, she gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hello Falere."

Falere did not even jump at the sound of her mother's voice. She simply stood as she placed her own hand lightly over Samara's wrist. "Hello to you, Mother," Falere smiled. "I didn't know if you were able to make it today."

"The code does allow me to spend some time with my daughter," Samara replied. Both of them knew however, if Falere were not an Ardat-Yakshi, Samara would not afford to put the code on hold. She glanced at the flowers in Falere's other hand. "Are those for Rila?"

Samara heard her daughter take a sharp intake of breath, before glancing sadly at the flowers. "Yes," her daughter softly answered. "These are her favorite flowers."

The two stood in silence for a moment, each in their own memories. Samara slowly removed her hand from Falere's shoulder and brought it to her side. "Should we start making our way to her grave?"

Falere blinked at the sound of her mother's voice. "Y-yes," she answered, quickly making her way back into the monastery. Samara quietly followed.

The two walked through the monastery to the courtyard. Reaching the outermost parts, Falere slowly kneeled beneath a tree Samara remembered humans calling a 'Weeping Willow'. Falere silently placed the flowers at the trees trunk.

Any trace of Rila's body was destroyed when the explosion was set off three years ago. There was never going to be a proper grave for her, with no body. Falere was the one who requested the tree be placed at the furthest point of the new monastery. She kept silent on the reason as to why that certain tree was chosen, but Samara knew her daughter well enough to assume it was to let Rila know Falere wept for her.

Falere bowed her head, sitting still under the tree. Samara placed herself a few steps away, the branches of the tree slowly grazing her back. Seeing her final daughter in such a state, Samara couldn't help but blame herself. Rila's blood was on her hands and only hers. Would she feel such pain for her daughter, if she had arrived sooner, if she did her duty as a justicar?

"I miss them Mother," Falere said. She turned to look back at Samara. "I miss my sisters. Even Morinth, as horrible as she could be. I always thought we would be together. Did that future start to unravel when Morinth left? Was Rila destined to leave my side also?"

Samara kept silent as she saw Falere try to withhold her tears. Falere continued as she slowly stood. "Morinth sent Rila and I messages," she confessed. "Rila and I decided to never open them. We didn't want to at the time. We thought she was just trying to convince us to join her. She…stopped… almost four years ago. I think…I think she's dead. And there was only one person looking for her." Falere turned fully to Samara and stared at her. "Do I need to ask who killed her?"

Samara stayed still, forcing her emotions away. She would not break, not now. Not as she watched Falere's face contort in grief. Not as she watched her daughter fall to her knees and wail into her hands. Not as she remembered making that final biotic blow against Morinth, hearing the crunch of a broken body. Not as she saw her recurring nightmare of unwashed blood on her hands and her own cries of horror.

Samara would not break.


	3. Free

She's never been to Earth before.

The land almost felt strange to Samara as she stepped off the transportation bus. It wasn't as if Earth was remarkably different to some other planets she's seen. Maybe it was because this was the sight of the Reaper's final stand. Maybe it was because it was the last place anyone had seen Shepard alive.

Shaking her head, she walked among the city of London, watching the humans interact with one another. The place was filled with life, much more than the Citadel could ever hold. _Maybe because this race is so young compared to other species,_ Samara thought. As she walked further along the sidewalk, she saw a mass within the crowd heading in the same direction. Intrigued, she followed, the humans barely registering her appearance. Once she realized where they were heading however, she stopped in her tracks, feet planted a few steps away from a railing separating the crowd from the Reaper tech.

She gazed at the scene before her. It seemed as if tourists were excited to stand in the spot Shepard was last seen alive; the spot where she had ran to her death. Clenching her jaw, Samara watched as the humans excitedly talked among themselves, cheering and pointing at the Reaper tech. Frustration built within her, bubbling against the walls she had so carefully built. Refusing to look upon the sight any longer, she turned away and started walking.

She gracefully made her way through the crowd, for once not caring where her destination landed her. She held her head high, yet she felt herself become unfocused. She felt herself become vulnerable. As she walked, the scenery before her changed from bustling city, to rural, to the countryside. The road beneath her turned into dirt and by the time she stopped to gaze around her, she was by herself. The only company she could see for miles was a lone sunflower in a decimated field.

Samara didn't know what overcame her as she started towards it. For once, she wasn't questioning herself or if her actions coincided with the code. For once, she was acting upon her feelings. Kneeling before the sunflower, she slowly held her hand out, brushing the petals.

The memories of her time with Shepard overwhelmed her, each one toppling in after the other. Then her daughters faces fought for space, their smiling eyes twisting into snarls of hatred; hatred aimed at _her_. She clenched her hands into fists, knuckles turning light blue. She looked to the stormy sky, her face contorted in confusion. "What do you want from me, Shepard?" she cried. "I have given you everything I have and more. Must you continue to torture me? I live by the code, therefore I am just. I am _just._" She muttered the last sentence to herself, trying to convince herself that what she said was true. She felt _lost,_ and it was too much of a fresh, raw feeling for her to handle.

Looking to the sunflower again, she watched as a petal fell from it and softly brushed her hand before falling to the ground. Opening her mouth in realization, she closed it before closing her eyes. Standing, she turned away from the sunflower and started walking back the way she came. She left with a smile, finally realizing and receiving what she had longed for since her maiden years.

Forgiveness.


End file.
